I could tell you that I’m not doggedly stubborn, but that would be a lie that my parents would loudly and happily debunk. Most of my friends would happily join them in said debunking.
And although I know a ton of people who would gladly attempt to debunk this particular statement as well, I’m going to make it nonetheless: I’m actually quite shy.
I hear the collective laughter of the masses going up over this one, since I am both shy AND the girl who will walk into a room, talk to a stranger, and, over the course of the next 15 minutes, appear to become their very best friend. I am also the girl who will grab every karaoke mic she sees, and who will write about and photograph mad quantities of her life and put them up on the Interwebs for all to see.
But that doesn’t negate this: a lot of times? In doing those things, I’m overcoming a small, frightened voice that likes to recommend that I stay behind the curtain, in the house, and out of view of the world. The older I get, the better I am at shushing that voice. But it’s still there, and the only reason I ignore it is because life? Well, it’s much more fun lived when it’s peppered with new and interesting people, people who can only be met and experienced when one gets out there, shakes hands, and embraces the maelstrom.
This all has something to do with gardening, though. Something big. It is the reason that, every time someone has offered me space in their yard, I’ve turned them down.
There have been offers, even if some of them have, for sure, been more solid than others. Fundamentally, people are good and kind and generous, and so often, when I say, “Yeah, I still don’t have a garden,” they get very concerned, because what is The Inadvertent Gardener without a garden, after all, and they want to help me fix the problem.
The challenge is that their fixes often involve space in their own back yard.
I’m so grateful for these offers. I think they’re wonderful. I even, often, tell them what a wonderful and sweet offer that is when I have conversations with people. But then I let the issue drop.
I really do want to garden again. I’m excited about figuring out how it all works in California, where the growing season is longer, but the challenges (no water, microclimates, etc.) are myriad. But for me, part of gardening is being able to go out there and play in the dirt and make mistakes without affecting anyone but me or the people eventually eating my food. If I’m gardening at someone else’s house, even if I’m using an otherwise-unused plot of land, I’m going to be all manner of self-conscious about how I’m staking and pruning and sprawling vegetables. I’m going to feel weird about showing up first thing in the morning and late at night. It’s going to take me awhile to be completely comfortable crawling around in the dirt taking macro photos.
These are all things that I would feel wholly comfortable doing in my own back yard, or in a community plot designated as mine. But under other circumstances, I just can’t do it.
Call me stubborn. You’ll be in good company.
on Jun 18th, 2009 at 7:49 am
I totally understand. Sometimes you need your garden to be a sanctuary. Someday, eventually, you will get a plot of your own! Don’t give up.
on Jun 18th, 2009 at 8:25 am
I would absolutely feel the same way. And have faith– a garden will come your way, and when it does, it will have been worth the wait.
on Jun 18th, 2009 at 11:19 am
I prefer to be a ‘private’ gardener, too. Although, in Andorra we had an allotment in the village… And an old, Spanish guy came over and yelled at me about my tomatoes, then proceeded to pinch, trim and pull them into ‘proper’ shape. Could be why I like my garden private….
on Jun 18th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Everybody needs a little privacy. I, for one, would love to offer you garden space in my yard, but I won’t… I need a little privacy too. I’m so bad at weeding. (Plus, hella commute.)
xx
on Jun 18th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
I think you are more wise than stubborn :).
on Jun 18th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
Amelia, not giving up — don’t worry!
Lydia, that’s what I’m counting on. :-)
Katie, that would have been grounds for me to, um, break bad in the Spanish guy’s face. I’m just sayin’. (Maybe I’ve already lived in Oakland too long…)
Cookiecrumb, total hella commute. But I appreciate your need for privacy, clearly!
Rosie, awww…thanks. I think you’re required to say that in your Official Role, though. :-)
on Jun 19th, 2009 at 9:53 am
I guess you’ll just have to be satisfied with tomato plants named after you. ;-)
I think we share that stubborn gene, but there’s no way I’m singing karaoke.
on Jun 21st, 2009 at 1:24 am
I know the feeling. I decided to grow a garden on my front verge, the only place to get good sun, but it took me several years! to get up the courage to garden in full view of everyone in the street. The first weekend, I was surprised and delighted at how many people came up to encourage me in what I was doing. Since then the verge garden has been walked over, driven over and pulled up three times when public utilities were replaced, but each time i’ve gone back and kept going. It doesn’t always look terrific, but in spring when the native irises flower, and in summer when the kangaroo paws flower (unusual flowers native to western australia) it’s worth the effort, and because it’s public, everyone gets to ebjoy it.
on Jun 21st, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Ree, come now…karaoke is SO MUCH FUN!
Sally, kangaroo paws sound like a really cool flower! I’m going to have to look that up. So glad that you are getting so much encouragement from those around you. :-)
on Jun 24th, 2009 at 7:10 am
Oh my dear I’m both family and friend and I wouldn’t call you stubborn. That word suggests that you aren’t doing something you know you NEED to do but won’t. Gardening is something you do for you so if the whole vibe changes when the garden isn’t in a spot that’s a fit that’s not stubborn. That’s realistic. I’m one of those people that might offer you a spot in my yard and at first I would feel very good about that but I would venture to guess that if your garden got out of control or had some problem that impacted me I would eventually not feel so great about giving you a space. I can’t help but what Frost said in his poem “The Mending Wall” – “Good fences make good neighbors.” Gardening in someone else’s yard could really blurr the fence lines of a good friendship.
on Jun 24th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Kären, you and Frost are quite wise — I do like your take that it’s realistic rather than stubborn…although I will say that there are times when I am plenty stubborn, even if this isn’t necessarily one of those times! :-)